Thursday, April 2, 2009

Recession Joke

While busy reformatting my PC because of the NTLDR missing error that I was not able to fix although I did a two-day research on how to fix this problem, I scanned my old files (compiled) and found this company memo that made me forget my worries that until the time this post is written, the MS Office that I downloaded from is still incomplete.

Here's the memo. I hope this will make you smile, too.

To all Employees : Effective Immediately

Dress Code
1. It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.
2. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes and therefore you do not need a pay rise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctor's certificate as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Holiday Days
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

Toilet Use
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute limit in the cubicles.
2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the cubicle door will open, and your picture will be taken.
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company notice board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch break
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more so that they will look healthy.
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. Remember we are a employer of choice and we are here to provide a positive employment experience.

Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management


The Pope said...

Nice post, in times of crisis we need to laugh at our problems kasi anti-stress method ito, let's prevent cardiac problems and laugh your way to good health, beside health is your most precious wealth.

Pero I like yung Toilet Use policy hehehehe, libreng ID picture while you are "in motion" hehehehe.

Desert Aquaforce said...

Hi Ruph, I probably got this forwarded email 5x but the same laughter that I had during the 1st time I read about this is the same laughter I had just now in front of my laptop!

In times like this, we don't need a "juicy fruit", we need to laugh... bwahahaha.

There are lessons from the post!

Ruphael said...

@The Pope, di ko ata ma-imagine pag makunan ako ng picture sa toilet while in motion..Toiletegenic kaya ako?hehe

@Desert Aquaforce,naalala ko pala ang email na ito ay galing sa kaibigan kong Indiano. Totoo ang sabi mo..kailangan nating tumawa paminsan minsan..

cpsanti said...

hahaha! i think i got this on an email forward. it made me smile too ;-)

Anonymous said...

nice company memo! hahaha!